I'm so thankful for my sister and the conversation we had today. She reminded me that no matter what, He is good. No matter what, He doesn't change.  I cannot view Him and my relationship with Him, based upon my own feelings.  We were talking about how we know that we have done this in the past; we have thought He was good based upon the way we felt. Abigail has caused us to see our relationship with the Lord more rightly.  I have to remember that the Lord is present in my life even when I don't feel like He is.

 "Human perception sometimes poses questions the mind is incapable of answering.  But valid answers always exist.  For those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ, it just makes good sense not to depend too heavily on our ability to make the pieces fit - especially when we're trying to figure out the Almighty! Not only is human perception a highly flawed and imprecise instrument, but our emotions are even less reliable.  They have the consistency and dependability of Silly Putty...We can't depend on our feelings and passions to govern our lives or assess the world around us.  Emotions are unreliable - biased - whimsical.  They lie as often as they tell the truth...One of the evidences of emotional maturity is the ability (and the willingness) to overrule ephemeral feelings and govern our behavior with intellect and will.  If perceptions or emotions are suspect at best, then we must be extremely wary in accepting what they tell us about God... Even when He seems 1,000 miles away and uninterested in our affairs, He is close enough to touch.  A wonderful illustration of this unseen presence is described in Luke 24, verses 13 and 14, when two of Jesus' disciples were walking toward a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem.  They had seen their Master horribly crucified three days earlier, and they were severely depressed.  Everything that they hoped for had died on that Roman cross.  All the dramatic things Jesus had said and done now appeared contrived and untrue.  He had spoken with such authority, but now He was dead and laid to rest in a borrowed tomb... The disciples couldn't have been more confused. What they didn't realize was that Jesus was walking that dusty road with them at that very moment, and that they were about to be given the greatest news ever heard by human ears.  It would revolutionize their lives and turn the rest of the world upside down. At the time, however, all they saw were facts that could not be harmonized. They had a problem, I submit, a problem of perception... If you find yourself on that dusty road to Emmaus today, and the circumstances in your life have left you confused and depressed, I have a word of counsel for you.  Never assume God's silence or apparent inactivity is evidence of His disinterest.  Let me say it again.  Feelings about His inaccessibility mean nothing!  Absolutely nothing! His Word is infinitely more reliable than our spooky emotions... The Lord is at work in His own unique way even when our prayers seem to echo back from an empty universe."

It is a constant battle against my own flesh and emotions.  It is a reminder of why spending time in the Word and prayer are so important during this difficult journey.  Again, I have to recall His promises. My flawed and limited human perspective reminds me of God's response to Job - "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone - while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?" These verses are convicting, but I also find such comfort in them; He is almighty and powerful, and He is in control!

Precious Prints!

I was thinking about my deep pain and sorrow, and how I don't understand why my Baby Abigail was taken from me, and that He could have chosen another way to accomplish His purposes. But I am thankful for a God who I cannot understand. Isaiah 55:8-9 says "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'" Thankful that I serve a God who, my finite human mind does not have the capacity to grasp His infinite mind and the way that He does things in my life.

His Promises

My Jesus is still the same.  Even NOW, through my tears, He's still the same! Even NOW, that my Abigail is gone, He's STILL the same!

Promises He has made to me:
That He will be near to me for my heart is broken; He will save me for my spirit is crushed. (Psalm 34:18)
He will never leave me or forsake me. (Joshua 1:5)
He will be with me wherever I go. (Joshua 1:9)
He has plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
He will restore my soul. (Psalm 23:3)
Because I trust in Him, He will renew my strength and I will soar on wings like eagles. (Isaiah 40:31)
He died for me and is at the right hand of God interceding for me. (Romans 8:34)
He is working for my good. (Romans 8:28)
Nothing can separate me from Him. (Romans 8:38)
He has overcome the world. (John 16:33)
He will give me mercy and grace in my time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
He is preparing a place for me and He will come back and take me to be with Him. (John 14:3)
He will give me His peace. (John 14:27)
He is good and His love endures forever; He is always faithful. (Psalm 100:5)
He will sustain me; He will never let me fall. (Psalm 55:22)
He cares for me. (1 Peter 5:7)
He will keep me in perfect peace because I trust in Him. (Isaiah 26:3)
He has healed me by His wounds. (Isaiah 53:5)
He has given me a living hope. (1 Peter 1:3)
Because of His great love I am not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Happy 2 month Birthday to our precious baby Abigail! We miss you as much as ever and can't wait to see you again! We love you more than words can say!

Revelation 21:1-5

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them.  They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

I cannot wait for this day!!

I am standing on the seashore.  A ship spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, "She is gone." Gone where?  The loss of sight is in me, not in her.  Just at the moment when someone says, "She is gone," there are others who are watching her coming.  Other voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
-Henry Scott Holland

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
Psalm 116:15

Be more concerned with God's glory than your relief

I think if I would be more concerned with God's glory than my own relief, I might get some relief from my pain as a result. I know I am still her mommy, but one of the things I have struggled with is not being able to actively play the role of Abigail's mommy.  Not only did a part of myself die with Abigail, but also my hopes and dreams of being her mama.  It leaves me feeling like I have no purpose. If I would concern myself more with His glory, I know my sense of purpose would return.  He has left me here for a reason.  I have to remember that "the reason we breathe is to sing of His glory." I want to honor Abigail's life as much as possible by honoring Him.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1

"Realize that God means for you to be where you are"

"In the story of the Red Sea, the Israelites followed the pillar of cloud and fire as carefully as possible, thrilled with their new freedom, full of excitement about the future. Yet as they followed Him, God deliberately led them into a cul-de-sac between hostile hills, to the edge of a sea too deep to be forded and too wide to be crossed.  The unmistakable implication of Exodus 14:1-2 is that the Lord took responsibility for leading them into peril. He gave them specific, step-by-step instructions, leading them down a route to apparent ruin. The Lord occasionally does the same with us, testing our faith, leading us into hardship, teaching us wisdom, showing us His ways..."

"Our whole perspective changes when, finding ourselves in a hard place, we realize the Lord has placed us there, perhaps for reasons presently known only to Himself."

"The same God who led you in will lead you out."

"Let me say I am here by God's appointment, in His keeping, under His training, for His time. And all evidence to the contrary, there's no better place to be."

His will, will never put you in a place where His presence will not sustain you.  

"So what do you do when you're suffering? You read the book of Job. And it was so helpful, most specifically in relationship to the questions I was asking on my treadmill! At least I found him helpful for me. After losing all of his children (10 to be exact), he says, 'The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord' (Job 1:21). Now, you must admit, this is a shocking statement. We have just read the account of how the Chaldeans (evil men) and a great wind (natural disaster) had caused the death of his children. But Job attributes it directly to the hand of God. How can this be? Perhaps he has mis-spoken in his pain? The next verse answers our question, 'In all of this, Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.' (Job. 1:22)...

And here I have a confession to make. I grew up in a strong Weslyan tradition.What I thought I should fear in a totally and completely sovereign God over all things was in actuality the very thing that the Bible gave as the ground of my hope. So I stopped saying 'God didn’t cause it, but can use it for good' not only because I now believed this slogan went beyond and against the Bible, but because I believe it undercut the very hope I wanted it to create! If I denied that God could have intervened to prevent my daughters birth defect, what hope would I have that He could now 'use' it for good, when I was simultaneously denying that He couldn’t prevent it from happening? I realized my reasoning was absurd. I was trying to relieve God of His sovereignty, and simultaneously stripping Him of the power I so desperately needed him to have in my hour of need."


This is from a sermon my cousin sent to me. So good.

Our Story

I finished a new page called "Our Story" for those who don't know the background on our life with Abigail. The link to it is on the side bar, FYI.

We miss your precious tiny feet so much! 

The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the music of her name! It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul!

-Author Unknown

Job 5:18

He wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.